Christmas Eve Musings

The pandemonium of feelings that I am supposed to have right now is all bottled up so tightly deep, deep, down there that I think there must be something seriously wrong with how I process feelings. I should be apprehensive of the future, sad because of failed expectations…


Name it.
but if there is anything that repression leaves, it would be the searing numbness. I do not exactly know how to describe it but it is there.

If there is anything that holidays 2014 gave me, it would be letting go of things, feelings and yes, people, as gracefully and freely as I could. Some were by choice, some were inevitable. I’d like to think that those that were inevitable are mainly geographically influenced and that somehow they are still with me in heart. And those that are by choice were choices that were past supposed decision point.

Honestly speaking I have already forgotten what I was thinking about when I first started writing but whatever this post was supposed to be, it was supposed to come down to the multitude of changes that are currently storming their way in and out my freaking world. Some are exciting and daunting, some are just plain daunting. My head is currently a swamp of thoughts and dreams and my biggest fear is that I won’t be able to follow through with everything or at least, the bigger ones.

It is a nice thought, however, that I have a whole support system that got me wherever I am right now. I’d like to think that I have had a very blessed and fortunate life and that most of everything are freaking extra extra toppings and that given that I still have said support system with added people in it, the following years would be more awesome than they have been for the past years. More than anything, it is these people that keep me going when it is too tough to handle.

I think I just wrote down a brief summary of my weird as usual thought process and the end result would always be “it’s okay, cha” As usual, it will be okay. Always.

Happy Holidays

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